oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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