the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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