I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Someone shattered a urinal.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
