i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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