Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
