Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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