We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
