my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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