I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
