i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
