Nicole vs. Life
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
