he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
