Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You're like the curious george of whores
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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