he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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