Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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