I want to make a zoo with you.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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