I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
