did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
