Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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