You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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