a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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