I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
