...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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