I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
