Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
