benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
