Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
