idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
