I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
