Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
