were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
It was confusing and full of hummus
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
