i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
