she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Farmville is her only friend.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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