My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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