that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
