On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
