I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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