hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
