he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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