You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
