And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
