Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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