My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
