My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
