5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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