Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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