Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
