i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
