Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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