Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
do herpes really smell.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
