I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
